she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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