He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
