There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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