Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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