i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
