just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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