i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
