the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
