Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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