We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
