We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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