allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
