I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
