we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
