K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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