It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How's work?
Spinning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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