this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
