btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
