I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
