with your own penis?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
