my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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