We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
