Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you would pick up someone in the library
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
