I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
