He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
