I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
