I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
