He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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