I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
