I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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