Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
