know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
