..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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