So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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