hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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