Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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