Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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