North Korea, Best Korea!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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