GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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