Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
