Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
