my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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