Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
