Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
