I want to have your abortion
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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