I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
