Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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