Do vagina's smell?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
