Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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