when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
