dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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