Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
