I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
