OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
