Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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