I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
