So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
