Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
