I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
