i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
