ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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