Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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