so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
