I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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