who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
