My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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