Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
