why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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