I am in a vortex of obligation.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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