Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
