I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
