You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
