Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
